In re: TUGGY,
on behalf of all Tuggys.
BEFORE: The Honorable Chat, in plenary session. The Honorable Mods, concurring (mostly). The Tuggy, appearing pro se, against advice of counsel (his own).
I. Background
This matter comes before the Court following an incident in Rust server Twatwaffleopolis, Wipe 14, in which The Tuggy delivered a bad take of such confident wrongness that the matter could no longer be resolved by emote alone. A petition for adjudication was filed in #general via the established procedure (typing "VOTE" in caps, four times). Quorum was achieved in 12 seconds.
II. Questions Presented
- Whether chat, as a body, may render binding judgment on Tuggys and Tuggy-adjacent entities.
- Whether such judgment supersedes server rules, real-world rules, and rules invented by The Tuggy mid-monologue.
- Whether The Tuggy is, in fact, real.
- Whether that matters.
III. Holding
Pursuant to long-standing precedent (going back roughly six wipes), this Court holds:
I. Chat is the supreme legal authority in all matters arising under or in the vicinity of BagATuggy™. Chat votes. Mods enforce. The Tuggy abides. This is so.
II. A ruling by chat shall be deemed final upon achieving a majority of any of the following: Pog ≥ 100, KEKW ≥ 50, or one (1) monkaW from kev.
III. The Tuggy may file objections. Objections will be heard. Objections will not be sustained.
IV. Real-world law shall be respected to the extent it does not conflict with chat. Where there is conflict, chat governs. Real-world law may file an appeal in #general, where it will be ignored.
V. The Tuggy is real. It does not matter whether he is real. The Tuggy is real. This Court reserves the right to revisit this question in 50 wipes, or never, whichever comes first.
IV. Reasoning
The doctrine of chat-is-law arises from the simple observation that chat is the only entity present at every Tuggy event, in every server, in every era, simultaneously. The mods sleep. The streamer sleeps. The Tuggy especially sleeps. Only chat persists. Therefore only chat can rule.
Critics have argued that "chat is law" is circular reasoning, that it grants chat the authority chat then uses to grant itself authority. The Court has reviewed this argument. The Court agrees. The Court rules in favor of chat anyway. Chat noted this in real time. The Court found chat’s noting persuasive.
V. Standing
Any party may file in this Court provided they have at minimum one (1) Twitch account, one (1) opinion, and the willingness to be clowned on. The Tuggy enjoys automatic standing by virtue of existing. The mods enjoy automatic standing by virtue of being mods. Real-world entities (e.g., "Stripe," "GitHub," "your boss") may petition for amicus but should not expect a hearing.
VI. Disposition
For the foregoing reasons, the petition is GRANTED IN FULL. Chat shall continue to govern, mods shall continue to enforce, and The Tuggy shall continue to do whatever it is The Tuggy does.
VII. Concurrences
Mods, concurring: "yeah whatever, hand-counts agree."
The Tuggy, concurring in part, dissenting in part, then forgetting his point: "wait, what was the question — okay, I’m fine with it. Also I have a story about a pickle."
Chat, unanimously: "KEKW."